someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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