allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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