if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize