she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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