He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love having hate sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
