Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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