I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
