I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
operation have a gay friend backfired
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
