i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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