i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
