just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
