it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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