Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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