Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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