There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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