he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
