So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
