its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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