this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
