miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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