When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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