so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I die, sorry about rent.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
