I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
