So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
