I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
