just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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