I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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