just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
