Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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