I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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