I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
