i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
