I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
