I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
