FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
