you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
