Are we in a gay sports bar?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
