Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
