erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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