You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize