those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is wine microwaveable?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
