I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
