Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
