I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
