yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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