He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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