I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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