you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
