a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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