He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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