I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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