New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
