No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
