why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
