How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
