I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
