I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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