It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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