shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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