i jhust puked up my retainher.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
