Nicole vs. Life
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
