Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
