Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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