have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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