and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
