How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize