do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
