so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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